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Signs You’re With an Abuser
A quick guide to getting your life back.
Abuse: What is It?
Though awareness on this topic has burgeoned recently, it is still very important to define our terms. Many people think that “abuse” only refers to physical violence (and even then, many people in relationships will overlook “minor” instances that don’t result in visible bruises, scrapes, cuts, or broken bones). Abuse, as I define it, is any attempt to control or manipulate another person. This happens at a systemic level (see my research on burnout and exploitative workplace practices), but for the purpose of this article, we’re going to look specifically at intimate relationships. You will see that the tactics used by abusers in intimate relationships exactly mirror the tactics used by abusive systems, so in naming these tactics clearly, we can begin to take our power back in all areas of our life.
You will notice the pronouns of this article- I write specifically to women being abused by men. This is because, while men can certainly be abused (and while abuse is certainly an issue in many same-sex relationships) the vast majority of abuse in intimate relationships is perpetrated by men against women. As well, the systems of legal protection we have in place often disproportionately favor the abusive man (see Why Does He Do That: Inside the…
